Some people naturally repulse criticism. “Some people” may be a gross understatement.
These people may show outward signs of their repulsion. These people may not show outward signs, or their repulsion may hide so well it would take a professional observer to notice it. Regardless, internally, these people churn in reaction to criticism. For these people – even small, innocuous pieces of feedback can trigger intense internal reactions, floods of cortisol – cortisol spikes.
- Do you know people who show vehement reaction to tiny criticisms…people who have zero tolerance for incoming criticism?
- Do you know people who, at first, show no outward reaction to criticism then, later, strike excessive reactionary blows against the person who delivered the criticism?
- Do you know people who, show little emotion when they receive criticism then engage in passive-aggressive behaviour?
- Do you know people who have the habit of claiming they are the victim of undue criticism?
- Do you know people who repulse criticism yet deliver it to others with gusto and righteousness?
These are common reactions to criticism.
Why?
Why would people have had such reactions to criticism?
Not having much knowledge of physiology, chemistry or biology and only dabbling experience with psychology I answer that question this way:
When people receive criticism, many chemical changes naturally occur in their brains and bodies. For example, it is common to experience cortisol spikes. As various other chemical changes occur, they can feel mild or strong, churning, tightening sensations in the gut…quickly followed by combinations of anxiety and anger, which can lead to negative thoughts and fight/flight/freeze behaviour.
Here’s a curious thing. When people experience criticism-repulsion they can be quite oblivious to the impact they have on other people. And, this can cause challenges…a large variety of interpersonal challenges. Left unattended, these interpersonal challenges can be very destructive.
If you are concerned about the destructive possibilities tied to giving and receiving criticism, here’s good news. It is possible to gain self-understanding and create strategies to overcome the interpersonal challenges tied to criticism. The starting point, or at least one starting point, is recognition of the physiological changes that signal less-than-ideal reactions to criticism. People can alter their bad habits – including the innate habit of excessive and too frequent cortisol spikes – if they choose to make the changes and do the work required.
While the following suggestions are provided for the receiver of criticism, remember criticism is a double-edged sword…both given and received:
Practice Mindfulness and Self-awareness: Begin by noticing how you react when criticism comes your way. Are you experiencing physical signs, like a tightening in your stomach or a wave of heat? Recognizing these signs early can help you manage your reaction before it escalates.
Reframe the Criticism: Try to view criticism as an opportunity for you to learn and grow rather than a personal attack. This cognitive reframing can help reduce your stress response and make the feedback feel less threatening.
Develop Emotional Regulation Skills: Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or even short walks can lower your immediate stress levels and help manage your cortisol spikes. These practices can be incorporated into your daily routine to improve overall emotional resilience.
Enhance Communication Skills: Learning how to express your feelings and needs clearly and respectfully can improve how you receive and give criticism. This includes active listening skills, which enable you to understand the full context of the feedback without jumping to conclusions.
Seek Clarification: If the criticism isn’t clear, ask for specific examples to better understand the issue. This can prevent misunderstandings and reduce the emotional charge associated with vague or ambiguous feedback.
Build a Support Network: Sharing your experiences with trusted friends or colleagues can provide emotional support and additional perspectives. Sometimes, just talking about a stressful event can diminish its impact.
Professional Development: Participate in training and development that teaches methods for handling criticism and managing stress. These can provide you with tools and techniques to handle feedback more effectively.
Set Boundaries: If criticism is delivered in a harmful or unconstructive manner, it’s important to set boundaries. You can request feedback to be given in a constructive way and at appropriate times. And you can remember – while people will behave offensively, you to not have to be offended by their behaviour.
By incorporating these strategies, you can begin to alter your physiological and psychological responses to criticism, making it a tool for personal and professional development rather than a source of distress.